The monster in my chest
by smaragdbird
Summary: When Clint found out that Coulson has the biggest crush on Captain America, he teases him mercilessly about it. Until they find Steve. And he's all there and tall and blonde and chiselled and incredibly attentive to Coulson and Clint totally isn't jealous in the slightest and is Phil smiling at him and now it's not funny anymore. ClintCoulson slash


"There are stars in your eyes", Clint snickered.

"Shut up, Barton", Coulson replied, faintly embarrassed.

"Stars!"

"Is there a point why you're here?"

"You're totally gonna swoon once he wakes up, won't you?" Clint asked gleefully.

Coulson glared at him.

"You'll be all "it's an honour to meet you, sir" and faint into his arms", Clint cackled but was ready to duck any object Coulson might decide to throw at him.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Coulson asked testily.

"Will you ask him to sign your cards? Once you recovered from fainting, that is", Clint knew he was courting an imminent and painful death here but it was just too much fun.

"There is a lovely two months mission as security detail for the director of the IMF available. Should I add your name to it?"

"Come on Coulson, don't be like that", Clint whined, "You'd miss me too much."

"I'm sure I'd cope." Coulson went back to his paperwork. "Was there anything else?"

"Nope", Clint got up from the couch. His couch, really. He was the only one who spent prolonged spaces of time on this couch. "Wanna grab dinner later? That is unless you want to fawn over Captain America's frozen body some more after your shift."

He ducked out of the door just in time to avoid getting hit by a well thrown pencil.

"Are you doing paperwork in your lunch break now?" Clint asked, dropping from the ceiling behind Coulson.

"Would that actually surprise you?"

"Sort of", Clint leaned over Coulson's shoulder. "You normally do paperwork on paper and not on a tab."

"Maybe I gave in to Stark's constant whining", Coulson deadpanned.

"As if", Clint snorted and took a closer look at Coulson's tab. "Are you designing Captain America's uniform?"

"Maybe", from his position about two inches away from Coulson Clint had a very nice view of the blush that crept up Coulson's neck.

"You're such a fanboy", Clint grinned but studying the design more closely he was impressed. "Very flashy and old-fashioned but very functional."

"Thanks for your approval", Coulson noted dryly.

"How come you never did my uniform?" Clint complained.

"Who says I didn't?"

"Is that why my field suit doesn't have sleeves, so you could ogle my arms better?" Clint whispered into Coulson's ear, sounding as flirtatiously as he could.

"In your dreams, Barton", Coulson replied but he didn't seem to mind that Clint was so close he could feel the warmth radiating from his skin.

"Well, we can't all dream about Captain America", Clint quipped and ducked away before Coulson could hit him.

Clint was hiding in hearing distance when Coulson did finally meet Captain Rogers in person.

"It's an honour to meet you, sir", Coulson said, shaking hands with Rogers. He almost sounded giddy, for Coulson's standards anyway.

"Thank you", Rogers replied sincerely, "I've heard you designed my uniform?"

"I did."

"It's perfect", Rogers gave Coulson a sunny smile and Coulson smiled back. Clint noted with a scowl that their hands were still touching. Coulson was rarely this personal, even with him and Natasha.

"Coulson", that was Natasha. She was, of course, completely unimpressed by Steve Rogers. "Fury wants you on the bridge."

"Of course, Captain", he and Rogers and shook hands once more before Coulson left, giving Rogers another tiny smile over his shoulder.

God, Clint hoped that they would give Rogers Sitwell as his handler.

It had been a long day, mostly training junior agents in hand to hand with Natasha which he hated but there was no mission on at the moment and Fury got a sick pleasure from making Clint's life hell. All he wanted to do was crash on his couch in Coulson's office and trade some snarks about the junior agents' general incompetence.

There was some music coming from Coulson's office which meant he was in a good mood and would hopefully have some sort of mission for him. If it got him out of training morons Clint would even take the IMF mission Coulson had threatened him with a month ago.

"Hey, Coulson do you-"Clint asked, opening the door and stopped cold when he was greeted by the sight of Captain America sitting on his couch, engaged in what seemed a friendly conversation with Coulson.

"Hello, Agent Barton", he said friendly.

"Hi", Clint replied, refraining from asking what Rogers was doing here.

"What can I do for you, Barton?" Coulson asked.

"I wanted to ask if you have a mission for me, sir. Any mission, really."

"You'll have to ask Agent Sitwell or Agent Hill if they have anything for you. I've been assigned to acquaintance Captain Rogers with the 21st century."

"He's doing a great job", Rogers assured Clint with a fond look in Coulson's direction that made Clint want to punch him.

"Anything else?" Coulson asked, blushing slightly under Roger's compliment.

"No", Clint said and turned around. Maybe he could find some more junior agents to take out his frustrations on.

The next day they were on the shooting range. Somewhere along the way of the past couple years it had become tradition that him, Natasha and Coulson always went together. A leftover from the days when the mob and slavers had been their enemies, not crazy scientists and aliens from outer space.

"Where do you want to grab dinner?" Clint asked, mostly out of habit since they always had dinner together after being on the shooting range. Another tradition from old days.

"Sorry, I've got plans", Coulson replied.

"Plans?" Clint echoed disbelievingly.

"Steve asked me to go to his favourite restaurant from his time to see if it's still the same", Coulson answered as if it was no big deal.

Natasha smirked but said nothing.

"Oh, it's Steve now, is it?" And no, he didn't sound pissed off. His ego could totally bear being stood up for Captain fucking America.

"Any problem Agent Barton?" Coulson asked coolly.

"'course not", Clint grabbed his bag and marched out of the room, not caring if Natasha followed him or not. Maybe she'd rather spend time "Steve" as well.

"Come on, Coulson", Tony wheedled, "it's for the good of the scientific world."

"I'm not seeing what you would have to do with a biophysicist conference in Singapore", Coulson replied, ignoring the puppy dog eyes Tony was making at him.

"I'm a living example of applied biophysics", Tony argued, "Bruce could use me as a life model."

"Actually my paper is on genetic engineering to use existing properties of cells to detect water pollution", Bruce corrected him.

"Stop trying to sabotage my attempts to get us a long weekend off", Tony muttered under his breath, before turning back to Coulson with even bigger puppy dog eyes.

"Cut off the Bambi act and I'll let you have the weekend off", Coulson said, sounding as if he wanted to roll his eyes at Tony but was too dignified to do it.

"Bambi?" Steve asked from the couch.

"You know, the movie that traumatised generations of children", Tony explained.

"I wanted to see it", Steve admitted, "but I didn't manage during the war."

"I'm sure there's a theatre in New York that shows it", Coulson said and Clint rolled his eyes at the stupid way Steve seemed to light up and smile at Coulson.

"That would great. I mean, if you want to see it too", he added quickly.

"It's one of my favourites", Coulson assured him, smiling back and that was seriously unfair.

"Or we could all watch it", Clint suggested with a sugary tone, "I'm sure Thor hasn't seen it either."

Thor shook his head emphatically.

"Me neither", Natasha added.

"Excellent idea", Tony grinned. "Jarvis put on the popcorn."

Twenty minutes later they all trailed into Tony's home cinema, armed with soda and popcorn. Steve, to Clint's utter chagrin, managed to grab the seat on the two seater next to Coulson while Tony all but shamelessly draped himself over Bruce on the couch, Thor occupied the floor and Natasha dragged Clint over to the armchairs while he was glaring at the back of Steve's head.

"I got this for you", Steve said and pulled something out of his pocket. "I know you don't like popcorn." Clint squinted through to the dim room and saw that Steve had given Coulson a package of mixed powdered and glazed doughnuts.

He was about to open his mouth when Natasha elbowed him in the ribs and hissed, "quiet."

Thor, predictably was bawling, Steve looked deeply moved and even Tony got a little misty around the eyes while Clint didn't even pay attention to what was happening on screen. There wasn't that much space on the two seater so Coulson and Steve practically pressed together from shoulder to knee. However each of them kept their hands to themselves until Coulson offered Steve some of his doughnuts.

Clint definitely made no noise at all and Natasha absolutely didn't elbow him again.

Coulson didn't share his doughnuts, not voluntarily. Sure, he never tried to stop either Clint or Natasha or, on one memorable occasion Fury, from stealing them but he didn't offer them.

"That was a well told tale", Thor decided once the movie was over.

"It was beautiful", Steve added, "I can see why you like it." He smiled at Coulson.

"So, Singapore?" Tony asked from the couch, still sprawled over Bruce.

Clint didn't hear Coulson's answer since he had already left the room.

"You're hilarious", Natasha said from behind him around the doughnut she had apparently stolen from Coulson. Clint hadn't. If Coulson wanted to share his sweets with Captain America then obviously he was not good enough for them.

"What do you mean?"

"You're jealous. It's cute."

"I'm not jealous", he protested. He wasn't. If Coulson wanted to spend the rest of his life looking adoringly at Captain America then Clint was not going to stop him.

She nodded, clearly not believing a word that was coming out of his mouth.

"Look, Coulson is all smiling and cutesy and sharing his doughnuts and having common interests with Steve. He's happy. I'm not begrudging him that."

Natasha looked like she was going to laugh at him any moment now.

The door opened and Coulson asked, "Tony wants to order pizza. Clint, you want to share?"

"Why don't you ask Captain Perfect to share with you", Clint snapped. "I'm busy." And stalked off.

The next morning neither Natasha nor Coulson mention his little outbreak. Clint had managed to get the chair next to Coulson since Steve was on breakfast duty and was making pancakes. He was pestering Coulson by suggesting all the wrong words while Bruce dragged Tony in, deposited him at the kitchen table and busied himself to make coffee for everyone.

"Coulson, how do you-"

"Half milk, four sugar", Steve and Clint said at the same time. Clint narrowed his eyes at Steve.

Bruce looked from one to the other, then shrugged and went back to making coffee for all of them.

"Any ideas for nine across?" Coulson asked and Clint turned his attention back to him.

By the time Bruce was setting down seven mugs with Thor's help Steve was finished with the pancakes as well and sat down opposite of Coulson since Natasha had taken the seat on his other side.

"These are very good", Coulson said and Steve immediately beamed at him. "Bucky usually made them. I..I'm glad I did them right."

Clint promptly lost any appetite he might have had.

Tony Stark's parties were legendary and so was the free alcohol. As soon as the PR part was over Clint had pretty much parked himself by the bar, studiously avoiding to look in Coulson's and Steve's direction who seemed to have decided that hiding on the lower balcony with some champagne was perfectly acceptable.

Clint scowled into their direction even though they couldn't see him. Steve was laughing at something Coulson had said and both looked comfortable and relaxed.

Despite Natasha's insistence he wasn't jealous. He wanted Coulson to be happy, of course he did, Coulson was his friend after all. But he didn't think that Steve was the right man for that. He didn't get Coulson, not like Clint did. He didn't have years of working with him, coaxing smiles from Coulson when it looked like they were going to die. Steve had never been yelled at for frightening Coulson, had never had Coulson slapping him in the face so he would stay awake despite the bloodloss. He didn't get all the in-jokes and mission references.

Hell, he didn't even get most popcultural references.

Steve hadn't worked for Coulson's trust or his smiles or his friendship and yet Coulson had given him all that anyway. Just because Steve was the tall and blonde and chiselled and incredibly attentive hero from Coulson's childhood. Clint never really stood a chance in the first place.

When he looked up he saw that Coulson and Steve had migrated from the balcony to the dance floor where they seemed to try some sort of swing dance to much laughter and cheering from everyone witnessing.

Life, Clint decided morosely, was not fair.

"Clint, hey Clint", someone was shaking him awake. The world was a bit blurry but he recognised Steve, saviour of all.

"What?" Steve asked confused. Apparently he had said the last part out loud.

"Where's Coulson?" Clint slurred, swaying dangerously on his bar stool. Steve steadied him.

"He's talking with Fury. He asked me to make sure you're okay."

"Listen", Clint stabbed his index finger against Steve's chest. "I don't care if you're super soldier extraordinaire or not. You better be good to Phil, because if you hurt him…if you hurt him I will turn you into a pincushion."

"I'm sorry?" Steve asked, looking even more confused than before.

"It's unfair because I knew him first but then if anyone was gonna steal him from me it was gonna be you."

"I think you should be in bed", Steve said, dragging Clint from the stool and holding on to him when it looked like Clint was going to fall over. "You're not making any sense."

"I make perfect sense", Clint corrected him through the hazy blur that clouded his head. "And I don't need your help." He pushed Steve away and began to walk towards the lift. This time Coulson caught him before he could hit the ground.

"Do you need-"Steve started to ask but Coulson replied, "Thanks but I can handle him from here." And pushed Clint into the lift.

"Handle me, huh. Sorry for ruining your night with your boyfriend", Clint spat out cuttingly.

"You're drunk", Coulson muttered.

"So what? Since when do you care?"

"I always care about you."

"Oh yeah? But not like for him. Ever since he turned up I don't fucking exist anymore.

"Clint, Steve and I are friends. You never react like this when I spend time with Natasha."

"You're not fucking Natasha."

"I'm not fucking Steve either."

"Right", Clint sneered, "he probably wants to save himself for marriage. Congratulations then. Hope you'll be fucking happy together."

Coulson shoved him into the shower and turned up the cold water.

"Fuck!" Clint tried to get out but Coulson was firmly holding him under the ice cold spray so Clint pulled him closer and kissed him. He was drunk. This was the one time he could get away with it.

What he hadn't expected was for Coulson to kiss him back. Clint didn't hesitate, only pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around Coulson's neck. It was weird because they were still standing under the cold water spray with all their clothes on and Clint was still mostly drunk but damn him if he was letting go.

It was Coulson who did, turning off the shower.

"What about Steve?" Clint asked because he was a lot of things but he wouldn't cheat behind his teammate's back.

"For the last time Clint, Steve and I are friends", Coulson sounded amused.

"Oh. I thought-"

"I know what you thought. I doubt that Natasha will ever let you live it down. Now get out of those clothes and into bed. We can talk tomorrow."

"Can you stay?" Clint asked, watching Coulson raise his eyebrows. "Just stay. I don't want to wake up tomorrow and think it was all a dream."

Coulson sighed as if he didn't know why he put up with Clint but he kissed him again so Clint figured it was okay.

"So you two kissed and made up?" Tony asked the next morning, unusually cheerful for the time of the day but by the looks Bruce kept shooting him Clint suspected that Tony hadn't even gone to bed in the first place.

"Didn't Colonel Rhodes ask you to come by and upgrade his armour?" Phil asked back.

"He said ten, it's fine."

"It's eleven", Clint pointed out, stealing one of the doughnuts Natasha had bought for breakfast from Phil's plate while watching Tony scramble. Which made him miss then 20 dollars Bruce slipped Natasha under the table, whispering "it's unfair. Two more days and it would have been me." For which she gave him a sunny smile.

Thor came in, wondering what had Tony awake at such an early hour (it was nine but messing with Tony would never get old) and Steve apologised once more for giving the wrong impression of his intentions towards Phil.

"It's fine", Clint assured him. "I guess I needed a little push in the right direction", he gave Phil a small kiss just underneath his jaw.

"Ugh, I did not need to see that", Tony complained but Clint laughed and told him to fuck off.


End file.
